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Recently, I read a post from a man who had spent a lot of time building up his confidence, only to have it beaten down when someone labeled him as creepy and harassy (my word, not his, or hers). He has since built himself back up, but is still in what he considers the Stalemate of Confidence, where he feels good about himself, but is still unable to approach new people.

I thought this was such an interesting situation, and one that a lot of people find themselves in. Confidence has many layers, and it can be difficult to get past those blocks. Difficult, but definitely doable, and very much worth the effort, and hopefully this episode will help with that.

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Old music (<80): X Ray Vision by Slynk
New music (episodes 80+): The Heat by Vladimir Ershov

Join the waitlist for the upcoming Get Out of Your Head (& into their bed) program:
Sign Up (theconfidentswinger.com)

Send Jo some panties! Size large or xl; send them to PO Box 294 Strafford, MO 65757

Book a free discovery call and let's talk about working together
The Confident Swinger

Connect with Jo. Email her at [email protected], or connect with her on Facebook Jo Leavitt | Facebook

Check out her website to learn more about Jo and her coaching services:
Home | The Confident Swinger

And become a subscriber to support the show and get awesome perks!
The Confident Swinger | Build Your Confidence & Embrace Your Badassery | Patreon

Chad joins me this week, and even takes the lead as we talk about sexual performance anxiety. It's something that most people struggle with at least occasionally, and it can really get into your head. On this episode, we talk about some ways to deal with the dreaded sexual performance anxiety and give you some tips for getting out of your head.

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Yeah, so, I was wrong. A couple of weeks ago, I did an episode about why being selfish was a good thing. It was titled, Want to be Confident? Be selfish.

And in theory, yes, my premise was that it is important for you to focus on yourself, and your own needs. And THAT is why being selfish is a good thing. but I was wrong. I was wrong about being selfish being a good thing. Because when you are being selfish, you are really not FULLY committing to yourself and your own needs. You are being self-ISH. And you are never going to be really confident, fulfilled and happy if you DON'T focus fully on yourself and your needs.

So today, I'm talking about why instead of being selfish, it's better to practice SELFation.

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In this episode, Jo talks about goal setting and why it's important. And she talks about some goals that she had set, and how some of those have been met.

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One of the things that a lot of people seem to want, and seem to struggle with, is making friends in the LS.

Today, Jo talks about ways to build those deep friendships. And the biggest takeaway is that you need to be a friend to yourself, first.

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In this episode, Jo talks about how being selfish is REALLY not the bad thing that everybody thinks it is. And further, she talks about how being selfish is really the key to being truly confident.

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Jo shares more about an incident that she a few weeks ago with a woman and her coffee and the NO OUTSIDE FOOD AND DRINK rule. And she shares why this triggered her so much. Spoiler alert... it's not really about the drink, it's about respect and consent.

Consent is kind of like trying to bring outside food and drink into a place that doesn't allow it. Some people are going to respect that; actually, MOST people are going to respect that. But you're going to have some people who get angry, and pushy, and complain, and think the rules don't apply to them, and COMPLETELY disrespect and disregard the rules, because THEY don't want to follow them.

Jo shares a situation she had while playing with a friend that got pushy, and how she didn't deal well with it at the time.

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For a lot of people, especially people who struggle with confidence and insecurities, it's really important that people like them. It's something they spend a lot of time worrying about; what if people won't like me.

In this episode, Jo talks about why you DON'T want everyone to like you. This is a great episode if you are a people pleaser, because it just might change your perspective about the people in your life.

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Happy Tuesday! In today's episode, Jo talks about why she thinks it's important to be a selfish lover. Sure, you may think she's crazy for believing that. And maybe she is, but maybe she's not. She breaks down why she believes it's important for you to focus on YOUR wants and needs, FIRST. It's really the only way to truly BECOME a great lover. So, yes, be selfish. Do it!

Sponsored today by the Pineapple Lifestyle 101 Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/625734898831937/

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Chad's sick, so I'm doing a super quick episode today, so that I can focus on taking care of him. So I present, Jo's Cardinal Rules of Relationships. Enjoy!

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In this episode, Jo gets deep into why it's important to listen to your body. And she talks about what makes that challenging, and of course, she gives some tips to help. It really can make all the difference between getting the results you want, like, you know, connecting with other people, and getting left behind, swimming in disappointment.

Get on the waitlist for the upcoming NEW & IMPROVED Get Out of Your Head program:
https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/signup

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One of the things that a lot of couples struggle with in the LS is finding that elusive 4-way connection. The one where both couples are attracted to each other, and the dynamics line up, and everyone has a good time.

I have some thoughts, some things to consider, to hopefully make finding that 4-way connection a little easier for you.

Check out the Yes No Maybe list for Swingers:
https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/opt-in-1dfce6cc-e4c0-46aa-9ab1-981128ba29fb

Check out the Ice Breakers Guide:
https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/opt-in

Send Jo some panties to wear on her podcast, and she'll give you some on-air love. Size large or XL. Send to PO Box 294 Strafford, MO 65757

Support the show

Old music (<80): X Ray Vision by Slynk
New music (episodes 80+): The Heat by Vladimir Ershov

Join the waitlist for the upcoming Get Out of Your Head (& into their bed) program:
Sign Up (theconfidentswinger.com)

Book a free discovery call and let's talk about working together
The Confident Swinger

Connect with Jo. Email her at [email protected], or connect with her on Facebook Jo Leavitt | Facebook

Check out her website to learn more about Jo and her coaching services:
Home | The Confident Swinger

And become a subscriber to support the show and get awesome perks!
The Confident Swinger | Build Your Confidence & Embrace Your Badassery | Patreon

Jo's a little drunk, but today, she's talking about the dangers of setting an expectation. And why setting an intention is a much better idea. You'll get better results in the lifestyle if you set an intention, because YOU are in control, and you are not dependent on other people.

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Communication is important, we all know that. AND, we all know it's difficult, for various reasons. BUT, I think the real reason that communication is hard is because the real breakdown in communication is between you... and you.

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Jo shares a late-night story with you... well, more like early morning story, as she ponders possibilities.

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Self-images are like assholes... everybody's got one! It's how you self identify, how you see yourself, the roles that you play. But unlike your asshole, you're not just "stuck" with the one you've got. You get to decide!

It's easy to get really attached to our self-image, and that can be dangerous. Because it can hold us back from exploring different possibilities. Even having a "positive" self image can be detrimental if we hold to it too tightly.

In this episode, Jo talks about some parts of her self-image that she had been holding too tightly to, and how that affected her.

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Jo, and Chad, talk about new beginnings. It's New Year's day, and it's a great time to reset and talk about new beginnings. We all get complacent and stuck in a routine from time to time, so we took this opportunity to talk about how WE both want to start the new year, and how we want to embrace the Lifestyle in 2024.

Support the show

Old music (<80): X Ray Vision by Slynk
New music (episodes 80+): The Heat by Vladimir Ershov

Book a free discovery call and let's talk about how I can help you.
The Confident Swinger

Connect with Jo. Email her at [email protected], or connect with her on Facebook Jo Leavitt | Facebook

Check out her website to learn more about Jo and her coaching services:
Home | The Confident Swinger

Go check out the Ice Breakers guide to help make meeting new people easy.
Opt-in (theconfidentswinger.com)

And become a subscriber to support the show and get awesome perks!
The Confident Swinger | Build Your Confidence & Embrace Your Badassery | Patreon

Bonus episode
My son's dog, Maya, is a pain in the ass. She also happens to be my spirit animal, and in this bonus episode, I tell you why.
Happy Holidays!

Support the show

Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk

Book a free discovery call and let's talk about how I can help you.
The Confident Swinger

Connect with Jo. Email her at [email protected], or connect with her on Facebook Jo Leavitt | Facebook

Check out her website to learn more about Jo and her coaching services:
Home | The Confident Swinger

Go check out the Ice Breakers guide to help make meeting new people easy.
Opt-in (theconfidentswinger.com)

And become a subscriber to support the show and get awesome perks!
The Confident Swinger | Build Your Confidence & Embrace Your Badassery | Patreon

In this episode, Jo talks about guests she had on, and other shows she's been a guest on. She talks about her personal growth, and resources that have been super helpful for her.

My coach, Kelly Inglis
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fhealthywthkelly%3Figshid%3DYzAwZjE1ZTI0Zg%253D%253D%26fbclid%3DIwAR2QbbyTfVuvVTgzn1aVsSgWJngUo0XQiC6uII8FWXVdnnX_cxAQP2EJe4o&h=AT3CcVDljJBCqsBs7721NdTxByFkBWWKObYXIlTkETJ0iPDqWI8XWKgVatXN8WwkxvVm2mX911mP8Uioq7AzN5ZPG6Tr_U2KTYS2U7GGXRrMmGlc6kM-aqWne3Oj8wewnk1NEQ

Swinging into BDSM: The Swinger's Guide to Respectfully and Successfully Navigating the Basics: Leah, Mistress: 9798861437301: Amazon.com: Books
Swinging into submission: An Introductory Guide to Understanding Service and submission: Leah, Mistress: 9798862107487: Amazon.com: Books

Self-Compassion – Dr. Kristin Neff

Podcast - Abby Medcalf

The links for the shows I've been on was too much, so I'm sending you to my website to see that:
Podcast | The Confident Swinger

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Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk

The Jar

#239 Embracing Authenticity: My Journey of Swinging and Self Love with Jo Leavitt - The Jar | Podcast on Spotify

The Jennifer Kaylo Ruscin Podcast, twice

#55: Swinging 101 with Jo Leavitt - YouTube

Ep#72: Get Outta Your Head & Into Their Bed with Jo Leavitt - YouTube

The Curious Girl Diaries podcast, Layla London

The Confident Swinger (thecuriousgirldiaries.com)

Relationship Diversity podcast

An Open Conversation about Swinging with Jo Leavitt - Relationship Diversity Podcast | iHeart

Splat from the Past

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fembed%2F4l7lwGga62A%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2KttOcVYMNcGGqve6u6jJCbVo3drVy9OaJQsaan-uQARxx8XBcXnO3Two&h=AT3CcVDljJBCqsBs7721NdTxByFkBWWKObYXIlTkETJ0iPDqWI8XWKgVatXN8WwkxvVm2mX911mP8Uioq7AzN5ZPG6Tr_U2KTYS2U7GGXRrMmGlc6kM-aqWne3Oj8wewnk1NEQ

Locker Room Talk and Shot with Annette Benedetti

LRT & Shots Podcast - She Explores Life

The Go Be Epic Podcast

The Confident Swinger Lifestyle with Jo Leavitt | The Empowered Millennials Podcast (simplecast.com)

Breaking Free Authentically

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0vKzCQEJTHKbPfixvSU2dGjkLKqdBcsM4dUeVcrWZM5UxqfpFJYLW4bzbbmguUeFZl&id=1022406924&mibextid=Nif5oz

Taboo with Mimi

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fpodcasters.spotify.com%2Fpod%2Fshow%2Ftaboowithmimi%2Fepisodes%2FEP-18-Taboo-with-Jo---Should-you-Introduce-a-Third-Person-in-your-Relationship--Whats-like-Being-a-Swinger-e29gr57%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1G9jTjfx2KNcaoIPuYTS8DJMm4KwZHwEEVHLy-5UbEEpwodaqHxEHJTl8&h=AT3CcVDljJBCqsBs7721NdTxByFkBWWKObYXIlTkETJ0iPDqWI8XWKgVatXN8WwkxvVm2mX911mP8Uioq7AzN5ZPG6Tr_U2KTYS2U7GGXRrMmGlc6kM-aqWne3Oj8wewnk1NEQ

Victoria Shaw Intuitive

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fvictoriashawintuitive.com%2Fpodcast%2Fep-183-healing-the-mother-wound-a-reading-jo%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2J7UoHwsRYBnoSHkL2048xoVSZwT8kdQ-0Pu_jpGcltzaF7EnKoKraPEQ&h=AT3CcVDljJBCqsBs7721NdTxByFkBWWKObYXIlTkETJ0iPDqWI8XWKgVatXN8WwkxvVm2mX911mP8Uioq7AzN5ZPG6Tr_U2KTYS2U7GGXRrMmGlc6kM-aqWne3Oj8wewnk1NEQ

Conversations with Colie:
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2Fc6h2IeAbtPU%3Fsi%3DC4rXtO0T3CGjj-cW%26fbclid%3DIwAR10X3B7VJeUpCVE7Kh8zxwkx7FGe8aiFLQhOoitCnNl0Kr5p_a7EjyfBBg&h=AT3CcVDljJBCqsBs7721NdTxByFkBWWKObYXIlTkETJ0iPDqWI8XWKgVatXN8WwkxvVm2mX911mP8Uioq7AzN5ZPG6Tr_U2KTYS2U7GGXRrMmGlc6kM-aqWne3Oj8wewnk1NEQ

Let’s Get Weird

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fsites.libsyn.com%2F483423%2Fjo-leavitt-swinger-coach%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR37_EpBzB0beJO_QEMoW88gfY1Osp6XI9KcKo7TSqEMV1SftfXYnkjMr-w&h=AT3CcVDljJBCqsBs7721NdTxByFkBWWKObYXIlTkETJ0iPDqWI8XWKgVatXN8WwkxvVm2mX911mP8Uioq7AzN5ZPG6Tr_U2KTYS2U7GGXRrMmGlc6kM-aqWne3Oj8wewnk1NEQ

Opening Your Relationship Masterclass

https://openseries.link/jo

In this episode, Jo talks about what coaching means to her, and she uses an example of a phrase that she uses is her own life, STFU a little bit.

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Sometimes, it's hard to figure out when to speak up and when to stay quiet. It happens in the lifestyle, and it happens in life. Last week, I talked about speaking up. This week, I'm talking about when to stay quiet.

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I've always known how important it was to speak up. I mean, come on, it's only logical. And I've spent most of my life being logical. But I'm also really driven to help you build your confidence and embrace your badassery. And part of the journey to help you comes from me speaking up and sharing MY journey with you. I think it will help you along the way, because you'll see bits and pieces of yourself in each episode.

So this episode is all about me speaking up, and sharing my truth, and my journey. Because a BIG part of my journey IS speaking up and being honest, even when it's hard.

And it's about helping you understand WHY speaking up yourself is so hard, but why it's so important. I'm here to give you the WHY, so YOU can figure out your OWN how.

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In this episode, Jo talks about the importance of setting and holding your boundaries. And she goes over the 4 steps for setting and holding boundaries.
This is a hot topic in the lifestyle, but I don't think that people always really understand what boundaries are, and how to set and hold them.
Boundaries are the standards that you set for yourself, to keep yourself safe and secure. They are NOT a way for you to control the actions of other people; those are rules, not boundaries.
As a confidence coach, Jo likes to STRONGLY encourage you to focus on boundaries over rules. You only truly have control over yourself. And when you set and hold your boundaries, you are communicating to yourself, and to others, that you know what's important to you, and you're not willing to allow anything less. You are communicating that your needs are important, because YOU are important. And there's really no more important message you can send than that.

Get the Yes No Maybe List for Swinger
https://www.theconfidentswinger.com/pl/2147960599

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Happy Halloween! In honor of her favorite holiday, Jo is talking about fear. Specifically, fear in the lifestyle. She talks about the most common fears that people face, and how to manage them.
She focuses on the relationship between fear and control. Most fear comes from a desire to have control, or the fear of feeling like you don't have control. So, you spend a lot of time trying to manage things, so you regain that control. But, it's actually that desire for control that causes problems.
So, if you find yourself feeling a lot of fears, especially lifestyle fears, this episode is for you.

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Last week, we talked about single ladies in the lifestyle. This week, we're talking about single guys.
Anybody that's been in the lifestyle for more than 5 seconds has a pretty strong opinion about single guys. Either that it's challenging for a single guy, or that single guys are thirty and aggressive, or that a good single guy is hard to find. And all of those may be true, depending on your experience.
In this episode, Jo talks about single guys, and why the lifestyle is challenging for them. She talks about why single guys have such a bad reputation, and how to overcome that. So, if you're a single guy in the lifestyle, or you are a single guy that WANTS to get in the lifestyle, you DEFINITELY need to listen to this episode.

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about single women in the lifestyle. She talks about the challenges, and the benefits. And she talks about the reasons why women may want to participate in the lifestyle as a single, and also some tips.

And in the Patreon bonus content, she talks about tips for people that are seeking a single woman.

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Episode Description:

We all know that communication is a super important part of the Lifestyle. And that's easy to say, but still, when we have to have hard conversations with our partner, sometimes we struggle. Especially when we feel like that conversation is going to hurt our partner.
In today's episode, Jo talks about her experience having a hard conversation recently with Chad. She talks about what makes that hard, and how to manage those fears. And how, once you face the fear and just do it, it makes your relationship stronger.

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about getting a stealth no from your partner. Let me explain; a stealth no is when your partner says yes to something originally, but then when the time comes to do it, or to make a plan to do it, they make an excuse, or put it off. Again, and again. Their words say yes, but their actions say no.
It's frustrating, and it's not a healthy way to communicate. She talks about some of the reasons why people give a stealth no, and the reasons why it's not good for you, for your partner, or for your relationship.

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Episode Description:

It's episode 69! Ladies, this one is for you. Lots of ladies LOVE oral sex, because they need clitoral stimulation to get off. And a great way to achieve that is by riding his face. But let's be honest, that's something that a LOT of ladies struggle with. They think there is NO way they can climb up there and do that. They worry about their size, and about smothering him, and about him seeing her in that vulnerable position. BUT, that's just your bitchy little brain talking shit to you. Riding a face can be VERY empowering, and very hot! Don't let your fear and insecurities stop you from what can be an amazing experience.
In this episode, Jo gives some tips to help you get out of your head, to help you face your fears and go for it.

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Episode Description:

You're interested in the lifestyle. You want to talk to your partner about it, but you don't think that conversation is going to go well, or you just don't know HOW to have that conversation.
You don't want to hurt your partner, or piss them off, and you're not sure they will understand. So, you THINK about it, but you never DO it.
In this episode, Jo talks about how to talk to your partner about the lifestyle.

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Episode Description:

When you get started in the lifestyle, you usually set up boundaries and have a specific dynamic in mind. The dynamic is the way you choose to play. That could be soft swap same room, or threesomes with one sex or the other, or maybe both, or full swap. But as you grow, as a person and as a couple and in the lifestyle, often that dynamic changes. But what happens when one person wants to change the dynamic, and the other person is not so sure?
In this episode, Jo talks about how to navigate the situation when your partner wants to change the dynamic. And she is joined this week by her husband Chad. They talk about how Jo wanted to change the dynamic, and how they navigated that situation.

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Episode Description:

Most people in the lifestyle want to meet and connect with other people. I mean, isn't that the goal? There are lots of ways to do that: online, at meet n greets, parties, clubs, lifestyle campouts, resorts, and hotel takeovers, to name a few. In this episode, Jo talks about what you can expect at a hotel takeover, and she talks to 6 people who are experiencing their first hotel takeover.
This hotel takeover was hosted my MLC, which is Missouri Lifestyle Club, in Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri. This club has been in operation for over 20 years.
If you're interested in attending a hotel takeover and want to know what to expect, or want to hear from people who are experiencing it for the first time, this is a great episode.

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Episode Description:

What a shitty feeling... when you feel like you're letting your partner down. In this episode, Jo talks about 4 common reasons in the lifestyle why people feel like they are letting their partner down:
1. Your partner is more attractive than you, so people don't want to play with both of you
2. You are way pickier than your partner
3. You just don't want to go to events and parties, and participate, as much as they do
4. Your insecurities, anxiety, or overthinking fucks with your head
Jo talks about what it's like to feel that way. And she talks about ways to manage those thoughts and feelings so you can get out of the shitty thoughts, and back to having a good time.

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about a common fear that many swingers experience... what if their partner enjoys sex with someone else more than with them?
The underlying fear is that if someone else comes along that rocks your partner's world, they are either going to leave you for them, or they are going to be disappointed coming back to sex with you.
Honestly, it's a common fear. It's a scary, shitty feeling that can make you doubt if being in the lifestyle is right for you.
But you can manage that fear. Jo gives you some tips and ideas to help you think about the situation differently.

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Music: X Ray Vision by Slynk

Connect with Jo. Email her at [email protected], or connect with her on Facebook Jo Leavitt | Facebook

Check out her website: www.theconfidentswinger.com to learn more about Jo and her coaching services.

Go check out the Ice Breakers guide to help make meeting new people easy.
Opt-in (theconfidentswinger.com)

And become a subscriber to support the show and get awesome perks!
The Confident Swinger | Build Your Confidence & Embrace Your Badassery | Patreon

Episode Description:

Jo records this week's episode from a lifestyle campout. She gives her opinion on pros and cons of attending one, and she gives you an idea of what to expect. But she also talks to some people AT the campout, and they share their experiences, too.
Pros: laid back, more time to get to get to know people, don't have to worry about driving, friendly people
Cons: dealing with the heat or weather, not everybody likes to camp or has camping gear and supplies, etc.
If you're looking to make friends in the lifestyle, a campout is a great way to meet and get to know people.

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo interviews Chris, a former client that went through her one-on-one signature coaching program, Get Out of Your Head & Into Their Bed. He talks about his experiences with Jo, what prompted him to invest in the program, and the results he has seen as a result.
If you're interested in talking to Jo about this program, book a discovery call with her at the link below:
The Confident Swinger

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Episode Description:

Jealousy happens. It's a normal human emotion. Some people like to say that if you feel jealous you don't belong in the lifestyle. And that's bullshit. Jealousy itself isn't a problem. Just like sadness or anger isn't a problem. But, it can become a problem if you don't know how to deal with it.
In this episode, Jo talks about how some of the things that cause jealousy. And she talks about to manage those feelings.

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Episode Description:

We all have insecurities. And some people are insecure about their naughty bits; they don't like the way they look, or they are insecure about the size. As swingers, we also like to get naked with new people. So, if you have insecurities about your naughty bits, it's going to affect you getting naked with new people. We get all up in our own heads, and it gets in the way of a good time.
In this episode, Jo talks about being insecure with your naughty bits, and gives some tips to help you overcome those negative thoughts.

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Episode Description:

Last week, we talked about when one partner wants to be in the Lifestyle more than the other, and Chad came on the show to share his perspective (thanks Chad!). And it's an important topic. People can say that you need to be on the same page, and while yes, I agree, it's also unrealistic to expect both people to want the same thing, the same amount, for the entirety of your relationship. So there are going to be times when one person wants it more.
This week, Jo talks about reasons why one person may want to be in the LS more than the other. And she talks about how to talk about it when you're not on the same page. Effective communication is the key, but it's also a skill that takes time, so if you don't know HOW to communicate effectively, it's going to be damned near impossible to get on the same page.

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about when one partner wants to be in the lifestyle more than the other. And who better to have on the show, talking about his topic, than her hubby Chad. We kind of ARE that couple... I am the one who wants to be in the lifestyle and play more than he does. So Chad (finally) comes on the show and talks about his thoughts and experience.
The truth is, it's very likely that one partner is going to like, enjoy, WANT the lifestyle more than the other. So, how do you come together and get on the same page when that happens.
Jo and Chad talk about that and give some tips to help.

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about getting laid in the LS, when you don't think you're super attractive.
The hard truth is, some people are more physically attractive than others. Even if you're not "classically" good looking, with a perfect face and a perfect body, you still want to get laid.
Attractiveness and attraction aren't mutually exclusive. There are a lot of things that people are attracted to beyond looks.
The problem is, if YOU have a negative self-image, if YOU are insecure about the way you look, you are going to have a hard time putting yourself out there. Confidence has nothing to do with how you look, it has everything to do with how you feel about yourself. There are 10's with shit for confidence, just like there are 4's who are confident as f*ck!
Jo gives some great tips for getting laid, even if you think you're only a 6.

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Episode Description:

In this week's episode, Jo interviews Jennifer Kaylo about how to set yourself up for success with online dating, particularly lifestyle dating.
In this day and age, a lot of people are meeting and connecting online. It's a great tool, if you know how best to use it to get the results you want.
First, you need to find the right app or site to use.
Second, need to get clear on what you want, and what your dynamic is.
Third, you need to make sure your pictures are telling the story of who you are and are current and accurate.
And fourth, you need to make sure your profile specifies who you are, what you want, and is interesting so it catches peoples' eye.

FREE Opening Up Guide
Dr. Joli Hamilton "What Type of Open are You" Quiz
Jennifer Kaylo Podcast
Follow Jen

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Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about a common misunderstanding...the difference between being cocky and being confident.
People are attracted to confidence. It's the one thing that draws people in more than anything else, more than a pretty face or a nice body. But many people confuse cockiness with confidence, when the truth is, they are VERY different.
Cockiness comes from a feeling of superiority, a feeling of being better than others. It lives in the world of comparison. Confidence, on the other hand, comes from a place of self-trust, honesty, and self-acceptance. It comes from a place of self.

Resources for this episode:
The Difference Between Confidence & Cockiness - Coach and Athletic Director (coachad.com)
Rising Strong, book by Brene Brown

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about flaws. Our own personal flaws. She talks about what flaws are, and why they really aren't nearly as negative as we think.
Our flaws actually make us relatable; they help us connect with others. They help us become more accepting of ourselves, and of others. And we see our flaws way differently than other people see them. And really, nobody actually LIKES perfection. It's boring and intimidating, and it causes a shit-ton of resentment.
So instead of seeing your flaws as a negative thing, as something that holds you back, see your flaws as EARNED rewards, as rites of passage, and as strengths. You have the power to change your perceptions.

Episode Description:

We all have things that we want to do, but we feel like we just aren't ready. We tell ourselves that we need more time, or more information, or more support, or more... something. Most of the time we aren't really sure WHAT we need more of, we just know that we are scared, and we don't feel ready to move forward.
In this episode, Jo talks about that Not Ready feeling, and how to get out of that rut. It could be getting started in the LS, or talking to your partner about something, or going after your passion, or starting a new project or a new job, or WHATEVER you want to do, but the not ready feeling is holding you back.
Are YOU waiting to feel ready? Is that holding you back from going for what you want? This episode is for you!

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo reviews and reflects on the past year. And she talks about what she's learned from doing The Confident Swinger Podcast for a full year.

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about when the best time is to make a move. The truth is, when you start thinking about making a move, there's a good chance your brain is going to start talking some shit, and you're going to start second guessing yourself, and you're going to feel overwhelmed trying to figure out when the "perfect" time is to make a move.
That's normal, because your brain is trying to protect you from the pain of potential rejection. BUT, you don't have to listen to your bitchy little brain.
Jo offers some tips to determine when a good time is to make a move. Don't wait for perfect, wait for a good opportunity, or create a good opportunity, and then go for it! They are most likely just waiting for you to ask.

Episode Description:

So many people say that they struggle with knowing whether someone is interested and attracted to them, or whether they are just being friendly. So in this episode, Jo tackles that problem.
She talks about some signs and cues to look for to determine whether someone is interested in you, and she gives some tips. But she also gets real, and asks if you are just choosing not to know so you don't have to put yourself out there and make a move.

Episode Description:

You may not be getting the results that you want in the Lifestyle. Maybe you aren't making the connections that you want, or maybe you keep getting ghosted, and you can't figure out why. The harsh truth is, maybe YOU'RE the problem. Maybe your behaviors are turning people off, and you don't even realize it.
In this week's episode, Jo talks about some of the behaviors or other things that you may be doing that may be turning people off. Not to hurt your feelings, but to give you a dose of reality so you can decide if you want to make some changes. Sometimes, it takes getting your feelings hurt a little to motivate you to make positive changes and move forward.

Episode Description:

On today's episode, Jo interviews Layla London, host of the Curious Girl Diaries podcast. We talk about how important it is to prioritize your sex life, and one way to do that is to make a sex bucket list. Even swingers can fall into a stagnant, boring sexual routine. It's time to bring back the excitement and newness that the lifestyle once brought to your life!

You definitely need to check out her website, and do her free "How to Make a Sex Bucket List" course. You won't regret it.

To get more of Layla, check out her website and socials:

https://www.thecuriousgirldiaries.com

https://www.instagram.com/the_curiousgirldiaries/

https://www.facebook.com/TheCuriousGirlLayla

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thecuriousgirl1

https://twitter.com/thecurious_girl

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about how to vet people online. A lot of people choose to meet people online for various reasons. And it's important to make sure that the people that you are meeting online are real, are honest, are trustworthy, and are a good fit for your dynamic, rules and boundaries.

Jo talks about vetting people with a specific list of questions asked upfront, or vetting people in a more conversational, organic way, and she offers pros and cons of each approach. And she also makes some suggestions of questions that you may want to ask to vet potential play partners.

Episode Description:

This week, Jo talks about showing up with confidence at parties and events. We all want to be found attractive, and one of the things that most people find attractive is confidence.
We don't have to FEEL confident to ACT confident. Confidence is an action before it's a feeling.
Jo gives us three main points in showing up with confidence; playing to your strengths, having confident body language, and putting the focus on others.
She gives some other tips, too.
Be sure to check out the Body Language 101 and the Conversation Starters freebies available on her website, www.theconfidentswinger.com.
Now go show up with confidence!

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about the friend zone, that dreaded place where YOU want to get down and get freaky, but the other person just sees you as a friend.
She talks about reasons why that happens, especially in long term friendships.
And she also gives you some tips and suggestions to get OUT of the friend zone.
Attraction is a super fluid thing; it is ever changing, because people and situations are ever changing. So just because someone may see you as just a friend right now doesn't mean that can't change into something freaky naughty in the future.
Check out her Facebook group, The Confident Swinger.

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about the difference between fitting in and belonging. Fitting in means being accepted for being like other people. It means changing who you are, so you are LIKE other people. It doesn't take accept your differences, your uniqueness. And when you do this, when you have this mindset, you are telling yourself that you aren't worthy unless you are like other people. And that mindset is going to hold you back from feeling worthy, from feeling confident, from true belonging. And it's going to hold you back from the life and the experiences you really want.
Belonging means being accepted just for being you. It means not having to change who you are, because you are accepted just as you are. When you find that belonging, within yourself and with others, THAT is when you embrace your badassery, when you find your true confidence!
Source: Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
Last chance to get into the Embrace Your Badassery Beta Program. It is an 8-week program working one-on-one with Jo; learn to embrace your badassery, change the way you see yourself and your flaws, and grow your confidence like never before.

Episode Description:

In today's episode, Jo talks about insecurities and how to deal with them. Insecurities are something that everyone have. If not managed, they can negatively affect our feelings and our actions, and hold us back from taking the action that we want, the actions that will lead to a full, happy life.

Jo talks about her experience with insecurities on a bachelorette party.

Episode Description:

In this episode, Jo talks about being proactive versus being reactive. When you are proactive, you are MAKING things happen for yourself. When you are reactive, you are responding to things that happen to you.
A lot of people want to play more, and they have a lot of reasons why they DON'T or CAN'T play more. But there a great quote by Ryan Blair; it says "If it's important you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.
How important is it for you to play more in the Lifestyle? Is it important enough for you to find a way? Or will you find an excuse?
Today's show is sponsored by Jo's 8-week Embrace Your Badassery Program. The beta launch for this program is starting in April, so get on the waitlist now.

Episode Description:

In today's episode, Jo interviews Mistress Leah of the House of Wonderland. She is the Head Mistress of the Fuckcation Dungeon Staff, and author of the book Swinging Into BDSM: The Swinger's Guide to Respectfully and Successfully Navigating the Basics.
We talk about her book, what bdsm is really all about and how to safely get started into kink and bdsm. And we also talk about how knowing yourself and your own wants, needs, and boundaries builds your confidence and acceptance in yourself.

Connect with Mistress Leah:
Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/12824956
Instagram: https://instagram.com/house_of_wonderland
Facebook:
Leah Fettigal
Website: Houseofwonderland.org
TikTok: @houseofwonderlandinc
Cashapp: $HouseOfWonderland

Get the book!
Swinging into BDSM: The Swinger's Guide to Respectfully and Successfully Navigating the Basics - Kindle edition by Leah, Mistress. Literature & Fiction Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

Episode Description: This week, Jo talks about how to break the ice and approach people, especially at parties or events. If you want to make connections with other people, either for friendship or for play, you are going to have to put yourself out there. And yes, that's hard and scary for some people, but sometimes you just have to tell your crazy, overprotective mom brain to sit down and STFU!

She also offers some different ways to break the ice and approach people, and she gives some tips on how to present yourself.

Go check out the Body Language 101 guide. It's free on her website, www.theconfidentswinger.com.

Today's show is sponsored by her upcoming group coaching program, Embrace Your Sexiness. It's a 6-week program via Zoom. It's starting in April, so get on the waitlist now.

Episode Description:In this episode, Jo talks about gossip, what it is and why we do it. And she talks about why spreading gossip is detrimental to your self-esteem and confidence. She also talks about what you should do, instead, to build the life and the confidence that you want.

Source: Brene Brown, BRAVING acronym for components of trust.

This episode is sponsored by my Get Out of Your Head & Into Their Bed program, designed to help you build your confidence and make connections with people. Get on the waitlist now, the next round is starting in April; for more information or to get on the waitlist, email Jo at [email protected] and put Program in the subject line.

Episode Description:In this episode, Jo talks about alcohol and the Lifestyle. A LOT of people use is to loosen up, and make themselves more comfortable, and to feel less afraid, especially at parties and events. Jo talks about the reasons why people feel those feelings. And she also addresses the downside of the lowering of your inhibitions, especially to the point of drunkenness. Things like crossing your own personal boundaries, or your partner's boundaries, or your play partner's boundaries.
There's nothing wrong with alcohol. But if you feel like you don't want to have to rely on alcohol, if you want to have more control over yourself and your own actions, Jo also gives some tips for feeling more comfortable without alcohol.
This week's episode is sponsored by Jo's FREE 3-day confidence course. Go check it out at www.theconfidentswinger.com.

Episode Description:

Last week, Jo talked about when your partner gets more attention than you do, particularly in the Lifestyle. So, this week, she talks about the flip of that... when YOU get more attention than your partner.
It is important to be respectful of your partner at all times, and to make sure that everyone is getting their needs met. Jo talks this, but also the potential dangers of getting caught up in that attention by other people.

Episode Description: In this episode, Jo talks about how it feels when your partner gets more attention in the Lifestyle than you. There are lots of reasons for this; maybe they are more outgoing, or more charismatic, or funnier, or more positive and encouraging, or more confident. Or maybe they are better looking than you. Or maybe they are a women... women tend to get more attention in the LS than men do.
Whatever the reason, there are some benefits of your partner getting more attention than you. But it may also bring up negative feelings, like insecurity, jealousy, envy, resentment, anger, or feeling left out. Jo talks about all that, and gives you some tips to manage your emotions.
Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart
"Gender Differences in Receptivity to Sexual Offers", Clark and Hatfield, 1989
"Sex differences in attributions for friendly behavior: Do males misperceive females' friendliness?", A. Abbey, 1982

Episode Description: Jo talks about sending messages to people. Everybody in the LS, well, most everybody in the LS, wants to make connections with other people. And for a lot of people, that starts with sending messages to people. But so often, people send out messages and get... crickets. They get no response, and they have no idea why.
In this episode, Jo gives some you some tips for getting a better response rate.

Episode Description: In this episode, Jo talks about seducing your partner. In the LS, you tend to spend a decent amount of time meeting new people and connecting with new people. And hopefully, seducing new people. But the LS is meant to enhance your relationship, and sometimes, people can get carried away with the excitement and novelty of new people, and sometimes, people can forget that they still need to focus on their partner. So, Jo talks about the need to seduce your partner, and gives you some tips to rekindle that excitement.

Episode Description: Jo talks about negative thoughts, and how it's impossible to stop them. The key to managing negative thoughts isn't to try to stop having them, which is impossible anyway, but to learn to stop fighting against them and accept them.

She gives tips to managing your negative thoughts.

This may not be a sexy topic, but it's all part of the big picture that leads to confidence, which in turn leads to more sexy naked time.

Pushing away paper activity by Russ Harris, found in various sources.

Episode Description: We all want to be liked, that's a normal human desire. But there is a difference between wanting to be liked and having a deep fear of not being liked. Jo digs into the difference, and she talks about what it looks like when people are living with that fear. And she helps you understand why living in this fear actually STOPS you from connecting with people and making friends. She also gives you some tips to help you manage that fear.

There are only 2 spots left for beta testers for the Get Out of Your Head and Into Their Bed program. It's a 12-week program working one-on-one with Jo that helps you manage your thoughts and fears and connect with others. If you're interested, be sure to contact her ASAP.

Episode Description: Jo talks about taking one for the team. Taking one for the team, in the LS world, usually means one partner is willing to play with someone, usually part of a couple, that they aren't super attracted to, so that their partner can play with someone, usually the other half of said couple, they ARE super attracted to.
There are 2 schools of thought. Some people see it as an act of love, as a sacrifice they are willing to make for their partner. Others see it as a form of non-consensual sex, which is never justified.
Jo talks about both sides and gives some tips to help you decide on what's right for you and your relationship.

Episode Description: Jo talks about people pleasing. It's that deep emotional need to please people, most often at your own expense. You put the wants, needs, and desires of other people above your own. So much so that often, you don't even KNOW what is important to you.
People pleasing sounds nice, it sounds loving and giving, but it's really not. It's really a shield people use to protect themselves because they don't feel worthy.
Jo offers some tips to overcome those people pleasing behaviors. And she also offers tips to help your loved ones adjust to the new you.

Episode Description: Jo talks about the thirsty vibe in the lifestyle. For those that don't know, the thirsty vibe usually refers to someone who is just interested in sex and nothing more. They are usually pretty aggressive about getting what they want. In this episode, she focuses on how NOT to put out the thirsty vibe, if that's not your intention.

Episode Description: Jo talks about letting go of your fear. And she encourages you to let go of your fear, by letting go of her own fear, her fear of recording an episode without a script.

Fear is a part of life. You cannot fully experience life if you are not willing to experience fear. When fear comes up, you can either armor against it, you can run from it, or you can explore it, you can face it, you can process it, you can learn from it. You can choose to let the fear stop you from living the life you really want to live, or you can take action despite the fear.

Episode Description: At Hedo, there is a freedom and acceptance that is amazing! It makes you realize that it's ok to be you, it's ok to explore interests or desires you may have, without judgment. There is a magic in the air at Hedo that needs to be experienced to appreciate.

Episode Description: Jo records from Hedo! In this special episode, she interviews Scott and Beth, an amazing couple getting their first taste of Hedo. Not only were they Hedo newbies, but they were NOT in the LS. Jo talks to them about their experiences, what they wanted and how Hedo changed them. This is an amazing interview with an amazing couple.

Episode Description: Jo records from Hedo! And she does her first interview! She interviews Jay and Renee from the Midwest. They were Hedo newbies, and Jo talks to them about their fears and hesitations before the trip, and their first taste of Hedo.
For those that don't know, Hedonism II, aka Hedo, is a clothing optional, LS-friendly resort in Negril, Jamaica. It is a magical place, full of love, acceptance, and the freedom to truly be you.
So, if you are on the fence about going to Hedo, have some fears and doubts, you definitely want to listen to this episode. Then... just f*cking do it!

Episode Description: Jo talks about the importance of practicing gratitude in your life. She slips gratitude into most of the tips she offers, but now she's devoting the whole damn episode to it. She goes deep into what gratitude is, and how it can improve your life, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Gratitude can bring you joy and happiness; it can bring a sense of fulfillment to your life.

Episode Description: Rejection is a part of life, and a part of the lifestyle. There will undoubtably be times when you aren't interested in someone, and you need to tell them that. It's hard for a lot of people to tell other people they aren't interested in them. Jo talks about why it's hard, but also why it's so important. She also gives you some tips to make it a little easier.

Episode Description: Jo talks about the fear of being rejected. She talks about the fact that acceptance is needed for connection, and connection is a basic human need. And that means the fear of not being accepted leads to the fear of being rejected. This is true in everyday life, and it's true in the Lifestyle. Swingers want to connect with other swingers, but often that fear of being rejected stops them from doing things they really want to do. Jo gives you 10 tips to manage that fear, so you don't let it stop you from making all your sexy Lifestyle dreams come true.

Episode Description: Jo explores what happens when your body shuts down when it turns to sexy naked time. She explores some reasons why this could be happening. And she offers some tips to help.

Episode Description: Jo continues talking about communication in the Lifestyle. In this episode, she talks about how to communicate after trust has been broken, or boundaries have been crossed. According to the book Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, trust has 7 elements, boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity. Jo explores each of these elements as it relates to the Lifestyle. And she offers tips to repair and grow stronger in your relationship after trust has been broken.

Episode Description: Jo continues talking about communication in the Lifestyle. This week, she talks about communicating with your partner when you aren't on the same page. Sometimes, people have different wants, needs, and desires. When that happens, it's important to come together and find a compromise that is acceptable and agreeable for both people. She talks about the 4 levels of communication, and gives some tips for effective communication.

Episode Description: Jo continues the communication series by talking about communicating your wants, needs, and desires with your partner. Exploring your wants, needs, and desires with your partner is an important part of your relationship, especially in the Lifestyle. Jo talks about why it's so important, the different communication styles, and she offers tips for navigating this conversation in a safe, healthy way. Connect with Jo at [email protected] or on Facebook

Episode Description: Jo talks about communication. This is the first episode in a series on communication. She talks about the whole communication process, and why it's important. She also talks about why communication is so difficult, and what effective communication looks like. Then she gives some tips on effective communication.

Episode Description: Jo talks about the importance of understanding body language. It is important in understanding the messages that you are sending to other people, and it is equally important in understanding what other people may be telling you. If you want to connect with other people, and if you want that connection to lead to sexy naked time, you need to be able to read and understand body language. Jo gives you some tips to get you started.

Episode Description: In this episode, Jo talks about putting yourself out there. That means letting other people know your wants and desires, and letting them know you are interested. It's an important part of making connections with people, especially in the Lifestyle. She breaks it down into 4 different levels of putting yourself out there, and gives you tips to help you be more successful at each level.

Episode Description: On today's episode, Jo talks about feeling confident in the Lifestyle at your current weight. She talks about her personal struggle with weight loss and confidence, as well as some reasons why so many people focus on their weight, and why weight is so tied to confidence and self-esteem. She also gives tips to feel confident at your current weight.

Episode Description: Jo talks about how having a positive attitude can get you laid. She talks about the difference between a positive and a negative attitude, and the behaviors of each. She also gives you some tips to cultivate a positive attitude, and how it can benefit your life.

Episode Description: Jo talks about respect in the Lifestyle, specifically how important it is to show respect to the partner of someone you want to play with. She talks about ways to show respect, reasons why it's so important, and the consequences of not showing respect. She also leaves you with some questions about respect to think about and talk about with your partner.

Episode Description: Jo talks about comparing yourself to others, particularly in the Lifestyle, and why it can be detrimental to your self-confidence. She talks about the reasons why we do it, and the reasons why it's sometimes a good thing, and the reasons why it's usually bad. And she gives you tips to stop negatively comparing yourself to others, so you can feel better about yourself, and hopefully get laid more!

Episode Description: Jo talks about bed notchers in the Lifestyle. Bed notchers are people who like to have sex with a lot of different people, and some people have negative perceptions about that. Jo unpacks those negative beliefs, and offers different perspectives and ways to think about it. She also talks about accepting differences in others, and in yourself.

Episode Description: Jo talks about flirtation. She talks about why it's important, and she focuses on the perception of flirts. She also gives some tip to improve your flirting skills, and also to recognize when someone is flirting with you.

Episode Description: Jo talks about boundaries in the Lifestyle. She digs deep into why it is so important to establish and hold your boundaries, to first figure out what you want and don't want, and then to communicate that to others. She also gives you some steps to create and hold strong boundaries in the LS.

Episode Description: Jo talks about negative self-talk, particularly as it relates to the LS. She talks about why it is so damaging to your sex life, and she talks about some things you can do to overcome it.

Episode Description: Jo talks about attraction in the lifestyle, and why you are attracted to some people and not to others. She talks about normalizing not being attracted to people, so people don't take it personally. She also gives some tips to increasing your attractiveness to other people.

Episode Description: Jo talks about the challenges of making the first move in the LS, or the final move that leads to play. She talks about why making that first move is so hard, and gives you some tips for what to say or do to make it easier.

Episode Description: Jo talks about body confidence as it relates to the lifestyle. She also offers some tips to grow your self-acceptance and accept your body.

Episode Description: In this episode, Jo talks about sexual confidence in the lifestyle. She talks about reasons we feel so insecure about sex, and what we can do about it.

Episode Description: Jo talks about all the great things about the lifestyle, and some reasons you may have gotten started. She also offers some tips to start building your confidence today.