Comparing Yourself to Others in the Lifestyle

Jan 07, 2023

Has this ever happened to you: you are at a party. You walked in feeling pretty good; you are rocking that sexy red dress and your favorite fuck me heels. You’ve flirted with a few people, and you’ve got your eye on one in particular. Then you see this other woman walk up and start talking to the guy you had your eye on and your whole attitude changes. You think damn, she’s gorgeous, I don’t stand a chance next to her. She is smoking hot, and look at her body! I look like a busted can of biscuits next to her. He’s not going to give me the time of day now. I can’t compete with that” and instead of going up and talking to that guy, or even somebody else, you slink back to your chair and drink until you aren’t sad anymore. You let the comparison ruin your night and your good time. How about we stop that shit?

We compare ourselves to others in pretty much all aspects of life, and it’s pretty normal. It’s the
way we evaluate ourselves, to decide if we are ok or not. Why do we do that? We, as humans,
have an innate desire to grow and improve, and we always want a way to evaluate that growth.
It’s not enough that we are growing, we want to know that that growth is making us better than
other people. So we rely on our observations of other people to decide if we are growing, and
how much. Maybe it’s not the best method to measure, but we work with what we have.

We also compare ourselves to others out of insecurity or jealousy. When we have a low
self-image, our bitchy little brains constantly tell us that we aren’t enough, and other people are
better. And since our brains are always trying to be helpful by showing us things to support the
thoughts we have, it keeps showing us ways that other people are better than us. When that
happens, we are going to compare ourselves to others and always come up short. And that
leads to jealousy, to us wanting what we think other people have that we don’t have.

Why is that form of comparing ourselves to others negative? There are several reasons:

  • It’s not realistic. We are comparing ourselves to our PERCEPTION of others, not the
    REALITY of others
  • It’s not a fair comparison. Often, we are comparing ourselves at step 1 or 2 to someone
    else at step 15 or 20. And that’s not a fair comparison. And since everyone’s journey is
    different, because every person is different, there will NEVER be a fair comparison.
  • It’s wasting precious time and energy. Our time and energy is limited; if we waste that
    time and energy focusing on other people instead of ourselves, on other people’s lives or
    journey or attributes, we are using time and energy that could be focused on our own
    lives or journey or attributes.
  • It reinforces negative self-talk. When we engage in negative self-talk, we are telling
    ourselves all the negative things that some part of our brain believes; that we aren’t good
    enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, we can’t do it, we are worthless, I
    can’t do it, I may as well quit now, and on and on. Comparing ourselves to others in this
    way reinforces that negative self-talk because it shows us examples to prove that those
    thoughts are true.
  • It causes jealousy and resentment. When you compare yourself to others, you are
    basically saying that you want something that someone else has, or is, or does. And that
    can cause feelings of jealousy and resentment towards that person.

I know it sounds like comparing yourself to others is a big steaming pile of horse shit. But even horse shit has its uses, and so does comparing ourselves to others. Comparisons aren’t always bad. It can be a super helpful, positive tool, too, when used right. It can be a source of inspiration, motivation, and gratitude. And it can make you more self-aware and help you focus on gratitude. When we use the comparison to grow, to improve and to become an ever better version of ourselves, that is using comparison in a healthy way, not in a negative, degrading way. So where is the line between good and bad? Between healthy comparison and unhealthy compulsion? Basically, when comparing yourself to others leads you AWAY from the things you want and are trying to achieve, then it’s unhealthy. The line between positive and negative lies inside you. If you are comparing yourself from a place of positivity, from a place of aspiring to grow and live your best life, then you are going to have positive results. But if you are comparing yourself to others from a place of negativity, it’s going to have negative results.

I have some tips for you to stop comparing yourself to others from a place of negativity. You can use them to shift from negative comparison to positive comparison, or you can use them to try to
stop the comparisons altogether. Here are 6 tips you can start using today:

  • Tip #1-Recognize it. The first step of any change is awareness. You can’t change what you don’t know needs to change. So the first tip is just to become aware of that negative comparison.
  • Tip #2-Remind yourself that your perception of the situation is not facts, it’s just perception. How many times have you believed something about someone only to find out later you were wrong? If you are anything like me, it’s a lot. Like a lot, a lot. You make assumptions about people and take that as fact when it really isn’t. So figure out what are actual facts about the situation and what is simply your perception of the situation.
  • Tip #3-Practice gratitude. Focusing on gratitude is a game changer. If you
    appreciate what you have, if you focus on being thankful, you will be happier.
    Period. It is impossible to feel negative and feel grateful at the same time. They
    are opposite emotions that you cannot feel at the same time. Therefore, the more
    you practice gratitude, the less likely you are to compare yourself to others in a
    negative way.
  • Tip #4-Focus on yourself instead of others. If you stay focused on what you want to change, you will be less likely to negatively compare yourself to others, because your energy will be focused on your journey, on what you want and are trying to achieve, and not on other people.
  • Tip #5-Practice self-acceptance. When you accept yourself for who you are,
    flaws and all, you are less likely to negatively compare yourself to others. It’s not
    as important to you that other people have things that you don’t have, because
    you have accepted that you are pretty great just the way you are. Its a very
    freeing, powerful feeling.
  • Tip #6-Compare yourself to your past self. If you feel the need to compare yourself to see evidence of change and growth, compare your present self to your past self. Then you can see the changes you have made and celebrate them.

Comparing ourselves to others is normal. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing, and it
doesn’t mean that it’s helping you become a more confident, happier you. If you are comparing
yourself to others from a place of negativity, it’s only going to lead to more negativity. If you can’t
stop comparing yourself to others, then do it from a place of positivity. Choose to compare
yourself to others who inspire you, who motivate you, who encourage you to grow and move toward the goals you have set and to become a better, more confident, happier person.