Body Confidence

Jan 07, 2023

If you are reading this and you feel super confident in your body, you love the way you look and you don’t have any body insecurities, then YOU, my friend, are a ROCKSTAR and that is fan-fucking-tastic! I am so happy that you’re living your best life! But if that’s NOT you, you are not alone. Most people aren’t super happy with their bodies. And while there may always be parts of your body that you don’t like, let alone love, it is possible for you to accept your body and be confident in it. And that’s what we are talking about today.

One of the things that I hate the most is when people don’t see themselves how they really are; they don’t see the fucking amazing person that I see when I look at them. I want people to see their differences, their uniqueness, as a positive thing, something to be celebrated, not hidden away.

So what is body confidence? It’s feeling good about your body, and loving the way you look. It’s obviously how we all want to feel; we all want to have a body that we love and are confident about. But sometimes it seems like loving your body is a fucking impossibility; like you could ride a unicorn over the rainbow to fantasy island before you could honestly say, damn, I look GOOD and really mean it. And that’s ok. The first step to achieving that goal of body confidence is to start with self acceptance.

Self acceptance is accepting yourself and your body, even the parts of it that you don’t like. I think it’s way more realistic and attainable to focus your time and effort on gaining self acceptance. First of all, because it’s so powerful. When you learn to accept yourself and your body it can literally change your whole life. You can learn to love yourself again, and there is NOTHING more important or valuable than that.

The Lifestyle is amazing for a lot of reasons, and acceptance is pretty high on that list. Most
people in the LS are very accepting; they accept others for their kinks, their dynamics, their
turn-ons, and their bodies. So the LS can really give you a boost to your confidence. It can help
you see yourself the way others see you, as sexy and desirable, and that is fucking amazing! It
can quiet those negative thoughts and the negative body image, at least for a while. But for a lot
of people, that glow fades and your bitchy little brain starts talking shit to you. It starts saying
things like:

  • you are NOT sexy, I don’t know why you think you are
  • Nobody thinks you are hot, they are just being nice
  • You looked like shit next to the pretty people at the party-my bitchy little brain    uses this one a lot
  • Just because people want to fuck you does not mean they think you are attractive…and they probably didn’t even really want to fuck you anyway
  • You are too fat, too flat, too saggy, too plain, too ugly, too whatever. Blah blah blah

The flirting and the compliments are wonderful, but they don’t really stop your self doubt. They don’t stop you from comparing yourself to others and coming up short. They don’t stop you from berating yourself. And they don’t stop you from looking in the mirror and only seeing your flaws. Because true confidence does not come from other people, it does not come from external validation. It does not come from compliments or come-ons. It can only come from inside you.

We have these negative thoughts about ourselves, this negative body image. And most likely it’s a struggle we have had for years and years.. But just because you have always had those thoughts does NOT mean that you have to keep those thoughts. There is a great quote by Coco Chanel. It says “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” When YOU decide to be yourself. That means you have the choice. The power lies in you. You just have to take back your power. You just have to be willing to take the first step.

What would your life look like if you made that choice to be yourself? To accept yourself? To love yourself? The first step is believing that it is possible.

I want you to make that choice for yourself today. And I have 5 tips that you can use today to quiet that bitchy little brain and start to accept yourself for the amazing badass you are.

1. Thank your body. Gratitude is a common theme I talk about a lot, because positive thinking starts with gratitude, and leads to acceptance. So I want you to thank your body for what it provides you. Be specific. And say it out loud. Stand in front of a mirror, naked preferrable, and thank your body for all that it provides you. It provides you pleasure. It provides you mobility. It provides you the vessel to love your friends and family, the ability to hug them and kiss them. And have sex with them! Thanking your body for all that it provides you helps you see your body as a whole instead of individual flawed body parts. It helps you see the benefits of what your body has given you, and to be grateful for your body. You don’t have to like everything about it to be grateful for it.

2. Embrace the flaws. Choose 1 or 2 parts of your body that you dislike, and make peace with
them. It may be easier to start with a body part that you dislike but don’t HATE, and then work
your way up. Stand in front of a mirror and touch whatever body part you chose. Then offer
gratitude for something associated with that body part. You can say I don’t particularly like you,
but I accept you for being a part of me, and I am pretty great. I am more than just this body part.

3. Make friends with your body. Seriously. Start talking to it like you would to a friend. If you had
a friend that was feeling bad, would you tell them they were ugly, or fat, or saggy, or insert
whatever BS you’ve been telling yourself about your body? Hell no you wouldn’t. Stop being a
dick to yourself, and instead make friends with yourself and your body.

4. Recognize those negative thoughts. The first step to changing the pattern of negative thinking
is to recognize the pattern. I have podcast episodes, and I’ll probably have other blog posts,
about how to stop fighting against your thoughts and feelings, and instead to accept and make
room for those shitty thoughts. But for now, it’s important to recognize the thoughts, and to
realize those thoughts aren’t helpful.

5. Learn to take a compliment. I want you to ask your partner, or a friend, or a fuck buddy, what they like about your body. And when they answer, I just want you to listen to them and believe that they are being completely honest with you, and they really do like that part of your body. You might not like it, but THEY like it. So I want you to just accept the compliment. Say thank you. Don’t deflect. Don’t make a joke. Don’t turn away. Look them in the eye and say thank you. They aren’t lying to you; it’s time you learned how to take a compliment.

Change, real change, takes time and effort. If you do these things once or maybe twice, you might feel better in the moment, like when someone hits on you, but it doesn’t change your negative body image in the long run. You have to be willing to put in the effort. That means commit to doing these actions EVERY DAY! It’s not a quick fix; it takes time. Real change is about small consistent steps. You can’t want change and not be willing to go through the discomfort associated with change. You are worth it, and your future orgasms are worth it!